Dear Abby #3

(From Sara, single mom in Santiago)

Dear Abby,

I have two kids ages 9 and 12. Both are growing up into fine young men. I really try the best I can but for some reason they are both uncontrollable. I tried everything from early to bed, to extra jobs, to fining them from their allowance…everything. sometimes I think they need some good old fashion discipline. But I have no idea what to use. Can you please help me?

Well as the saying goes boys will be boys. However with lots of love and prayer they can change from boys into fine young men. However, sometimes love is giving what Johnny gave the drum. And if you really don’t know what to use or are a bit rusty then here is a catalog that I found at a really good child’s/parenting store. I’ll post some of my favorites below.

The Stinger: Extremely light-weight easy to use. This highly flexible tool is a merge of science and nature. Made from pine wood and flexi-plastic it was designed to be strong and durable. Weighing at only 3.2 pounds this is muscle in less weight, which means that you can strike for hours and without get exhausted. It also comes with an instruction manual booklet that gives you different grips and teaches to build endurance and strength. And if you’re worried about leaving marks…don’t worry this baby comes with highly complicated covering with the latest in technology it will adapt to the skin, so it will bark….yet without the bite. Selling for only $23.97

The Shocker: Is a small, pocket-size paddle that can be carried around with you everywhere. Perfect at dish- time or free-time. Its size makes it discreet and perfectly undetectable. All you do is press the little button on the handle and a strong plastic rod quickly unfolds. Standing at three feet long, you are able to strike at distances longer than your arm. Thanks to its inventor (Hurtis Asoff) The Shocker is a favorite among teachers and parents alike. Selling now for only $7.50

Double-Trouble: Is a favorite of mine. It comes equipped with a dual action cross display. Now what that means is all you have to do is hold it out and its two throngs made from the strongest of leather criss-crosses at rapid speed. This is useful for those quick, spur of the moment correction times…when you are late for your movie and you need some heavy back-up in a short amount of time. The inventor (Panis gutfa Hymn) says that its saves time too. Incase you have one or more children who aren’t towing the line…just line them up and let Double-Trouble slap in two different directions. More slap...less time. Buy now at $17.32 batteries Included.

The Master: Now this is what each and every parent should have. A bigger investment but this baby repays the slightly higher cost. This is serious swatting action. Weighing at 33 ½ half pounds this is the B-22 of paddles. This sucker solves all problems when just after using it twice just the name of it strikes fear into the children’s heart. Its broad side comes equipped with various different attachments that bring life and excitement into your correction times. The kit comes with teeth, electric shock, stainless steal nails, ridged edges, brass knuckles and much much more. The masterminds of this incredible invention are (Slappahim Mor and Wakis But) spent several years on this project that was sponsored by NASA researching this latest gadget. Not only is this a paddle but it is its very own correctional officer. Pack includes, catapult, six darts of Chlorophyll, and a high voltage system capable of producing up 75 watts. The Master is truly revolutionizing disciplining children. And if you think that those it will leave those ugly marks given by old, antiquated whips…worry no longer. Just one prod from it’s sharp tips in the buttocks or legs, will leave the entire lower hemisphere of the body one color. Buy now at a special offer of $88.50

The Silencer: Are you tired of hearing your child whine for that one last cup of water. The…”two more minutes…one more minute syndrome. Well we have just the thing. Inspired at Lucus Studios and tested on location, using Hayden Christensen actor/model of the famed Anakin Skywalker this mask was deemed a success by inventor Shetyer Trapp says… “It was wonderful…absolutely peace” The Silencer is easy to use. All you have to do is strap it on the child’s head and it locks into place. Your child can still see, hear and breathe, and of course perform his or her chores. The only thing they can’t do is talk. Perfect to use at birthday parties, weekends, beaches, excursions, holidays, visiting aged relatives, driving in the car, in fact you can use The Silencer any time…any where. Selling at $20.22

So as you can see there are plenty of different things that you can use. And trust me…any one of these used on a regular basis, and you will see I guarantee you, you’ll see a change in your children when you ask them to clean up their toys. I hope that was useful and that your problems will soon fade into the worries of yesterday.

Remember to always start the day as if it were on purpose!