The Test

Here is a little test that you can take by yourself or with somebody. It’s easy to do and the points are simple. Just add to your score a point for each correct answer. For a wrong answer don’t add a point. Remember to call on the keys of heavenly thought power. Have fun, give it a go.

1. Your child wines and cries and throws a fit when you turn of the TV and say it’s time for bed. What should you do?

1. Give in and put on the second DVD of the “Return of the Hairy Octopus.”
2. Yell at your kid, and threaten to spank him senseless if he doesn’t do what you say.
3. Give a sigh of despair, and walk out leaving your child master to his own fate, while trying to remember where you put the Valium
4. Gently, yet firmly tell your child that if he gets in bed without crying that you will cuddle with him and read him a chapter of the new Heaven’s Library book

2. You can’t get your JETT out of bed in the morning each and every morning just when you walk into his or her room, your JETT falls into a heavy comma. What should you do?

1. Throw a bucket of ice-cold water at him
2. Beat him with the nearest whicker chair that you can find
3. Have a meeting and propose that if your child doesn’t wake up on time that you will dock him a half-hour off his bed time.

3. Your child comes to you and says that since it’s his free-day and he prayed about it at devotions and he did check with the home managers, would be alright if he went witnessing with the outreachers?

1. Yell at him! And shout that since he made the whole thing up he will spend the whole day in the coalhouse
2. Ignore him and continue to work on your computer
3. Ask him if he would like to play the nest version of ‘Shrimps on Vicodin’.
4. Tell him that that is a great idea and see if the two of you can team up with any of the outreach teams that day

4. Your JT/TNs won’t stop fighting and bickering amongst themselves. How would you go about to stop it?

1. Whip them without mercy.
2. Have a word study with them on auguring and afterwards discuss how together you can curb this problem
3. Sell them to the landlord for free rent for six months
4. Tar and feather them

5. Your child is way too addicted to his computer and will do anything, and I mean anything even eat a bowl full of boiled eggplant to get more time on the computer, how should you handle the situation?

1. Come up with more exciting ways that he can spend his time and put work, prayer and effort into making those times meaningful yet fun. Get the help and backing of the home as well
2. Show him the new definition of the word ‘Head banging”
3. Take a sledge hammer to the computer
4. Tell him that it’s either him or the computer that gets defenestrated* (*thrown out a window)

6. Your TN has a problem with bad language. What should you do?
1. Wash his mouth out with a mixture of turpentine and bleach
2. Yell at him and tell him to keep his god damn mouth shut.
3. Tell him that bad language is not tolerated in the Word and in the Family, Come up with a punishment system that is fair and that he will abide by.
4. Shrug it off and blame Timothy Leery

7. Your child loves to read Heaven’s Library books…there is just one problem. She can’t read.

1. Cuddle up in a nice warm blanket with some hot chocolate and read stories to her.
2. Dump her in front of High5
3. Throw a plastic book at her hoping that it will pacify her.
4. Bribe your older kid with some extra computer time later, if he reads to her.
7. Your TN is feeling bored and unchallenged and he doesn’t carry his weight around the home. How can you light his fire and make him the needed pillar that he could be?
1. Threaten that if he doesn’t clean up his act that you will pawn him off to the local gypsy freak circus.
2. See if you can slow down on some of your own projects and begin to really teach and train the JT/TN in areas that he or she could really become a blessing
3. Ignore the problem because as long as there is not big confrontation, you will continue to get funds from your government.
4. Nag him or her continually to stop be so lazy, get irate and throw a couple of porcelain dishes at your child while muttering curse words in French under your breath so that he can’t hear or understand you.

9. Your JT/TN loves to clean up around the house. He/she is always found washing the dumped dishes, looking after the younger children and cleaning up the clutter that lies around the house. How should you handle this delicate situation?

Is that really a problem???? For God’s sake keep him or her and use them to their highest potential while at the same keeping their lives happy and interesting.

!0. Your child has a problem with talking back, no matter what you say he/she will always have a smart answer to say. How should you correct the problem?

a. Tell your child that if they keep their mouths open a second longer that you will call Dr. Korvorkian at the next possible moment.

b. Each time you hear a smart remark take a frying pan to their face until you can audible hear their teeth rattle.

c. Have desperate prayer for your child and call upon all the available spirit helpers. Have heart to heart talks with him and help teach the child to gain control over his or her tongue.

d. Carry two socks crunched up in a ball and each time your JT/TN opens their mouth shove it in good and tight.

Good you have completed your test now it’s time to grade you.

1. D
2. C
3. D
4. B
5. A
6. C
7. A
8. B
9. Was there ever a problem?
10. C

8-10 Points: GBY keep up the good work

6-8 Points: You are doing pretty good but have a few areas you need to work on

3-6 points: Um…Well…how did you ever manage to become a parent, or shepherd?

0-3 Points: (In broken English) Do…you…know…Jesus?

Well God bless you all. We hope that this test can help you improve in your weak areas, and if you were a little sloppy take the test in another month or two and then smile with glee as you can see how much progress that you made.