Dear Abby #3

(From Sara, single mom in Santiago)

Dear Abby,

I have two kids ages 9 and 12. Both are growing up into fine young men. I really try the best I can but for some reason they are both uncontrollable. I tried everything from early to bed, to extra jobs, to fining them from their allowance…everything. sometimes I think they need some good old fashion discipline. But I have no idea what to use. Can you please help me?

Well as the saying goes boys will be boys. However with lots of love and prayer they can change from boys into fine young men. However, sometimes love is giving what Johnny gave the drum. And if you really don’t know what to use or are a bit rusty then here is a catalog that I found at a really good child’s/parenting store. I’ll post some of my favorites below.

The Stinger: Extremely light-weight easy to use. This highly flexible tool is a merge of science and nature. Made from pine wood and flexi-plastic it was designed to be strong and durable. Weighing at only 3.2 pounds this is muscle in less weight, which means that you can strike for hours and without get exhausted. It also comes with an instruction manual booklet that gives you different grips and teaches to build endurance and strength. And if you’re worried about leaving marks…don’t worry this baby comes with highly complicated covering with the latest in technology it will adapt to the skin, so it will bark….yet without the bite. Selling for only $23.97

The Shocker: Is a small, pocket-size paddle that can be carried around with you everywhere. Perfect at dish- time or free-time. Its size makes it discreet and perfectly undetectable. All you do is press the little button on the handle and a strong plastic rod quickly unfolds. Standing at three feet long, you are able to strike at distances longer than your arm. Thanks to its inventor (Hurtis Asoff) The Shocker is a favorite among teachers and parents alike. Selling now for only $7.50

Double-Trouble: Is a favorite of mine. It comes equipped with a dual action cross display. Now what that means is all you have to do is hold it out and its two throngs made from the strongest of leather criss-crosses at rapid speed. This is useful for those quick, spur of the moment correction times…when you are late for your movie and you need some heavy back-up in a short amount of time. The inventor (Panis gutfa Hymn) says that its saves time too. Incase you have one or more children who aren’t towing the line…just line them up and let Double-Trouble slap in two different directions. More slap...less time. Buy now at $17.32 batteries Included.

The Master: Now this is what each and every parent should have. A bigger investment but this baby repays the slightly higher cost. This is serious swatting action. Weighing at 33 ½ half pounds this is the B-22 of paddles. This sucker solves all problems when just after using it twice just the name of it strikes fear into the children’s heart. Its broad side comes equipped with various different attachments that bring life and excitement into your correction times. The kit comes with teeth, electric shock, stainless steal nails, ridged edges, brass knuckles and much much more. The masterminds of this incredible invention are (Slappahim Mor and Wakis But) spent several years on this project that was sponsored by NASA researching this latest gadget. Not only is this a paddle but it is its very own correctional officer. Pack includes, catapult, six darts of Chlorophyll, and a high voltage system capable of producing up 75 watts. The Master is truly revolutionizing disciplining children. And if you think that those it will leave those ugly marks given by old, antiquated whips…worry no longer. Just one prod from it’s sharp tips in the buttocks or legs, will leave the entire lower hemisphere of the body one color. Buy now at a special offer of $88.50

The Silencer: Are you tired of hearing your child whine for that one last cup of water. The…”two more minutes…one more minute syndrome. Well we have just the thing. Inspired at Lucus Studios and tested on location, using Hayden Christensen actor/model of the famed Anakin Skywalker this mask was deemed a success by inventor Shetyer Trapp says… “It was wonderful…absolutely peace” The Silencer is easy to use. All you have to do is strap it on the child’s head and it locks into place. Your child can still see, hear and breathe, and of course perform his or her chores. The only thing they can’t do is talk. Perfect to use at birthday parties, weekends, beaches, excursions, holidays, visiting aged relatives, driving in the car, in fact you can use The Silencer any time…any where. Selling at $20.22

So as you can see there are plenty of different things that you can use. And trust me…any one of these used on a regular basis, and you will see I guarantee you, you’ll see a change in your children when you ask them to clean up their toys. I hope that was useful and that your problems will soon fade into the worries of yesterday.

Remember to always start the day as if it were on purpose!

Dear Abby #2

Dear Abby,
I have a twelve-year-old son. He is a normal kid of his age. He loves to play football, and hid-and-go-seek, and he can transform a chewed up straw into an Inter-galactic-plasma rocket missile. Over the past few weeks I have noticed a slow yet steady transformation forming over his character. We all know how boys hate girl at this age…and my son Keith is no exception. At times I thought that he was the mastermind of this girl-hating logic, and always had a wealth of knowledge and experience to keep the young girls miserable for days at a time.
However recently I noticed him acting rather strange to 11 year-old Suzie, he actually offered to help do her JJT when she said that she wasn’t feeling well. While cleaning his bedroom I found a ML volume in the back of his bookshelf…the bookmarker was stuck so that when I opened the book, I saw a very graphic picture that I had not seen for quite a few years. It was the one that Grandpa had drawn and displayed in “Revolutionary Love Making” I was quite taken back…because all though Grandpa was a very good teacher, I don’t really want something that extreme to be Keith’s first knowledge on sex. I know I need to approach this subject with him, but I don’t really know what to use. Is there anything that you know that might be helpful with the little problem?


What usually starts as something small will swell to mammoth proportions. Now before we all choke and gag…let me say that I know that this is a sticky subject, but I think that most of us are of mature age and have no doubt had our fair share of experience, some that were good and others that left a bad taste in our mouths. So why don’t I just grab this by the head and before it erupts any further I shall explore the depths of this subject. I really don’t want to jump down people’s throats, but sometimes we just have to swallow our pride and discuss this with the children like grownups. We need to lay a good, firm grip on this growing issue. Our children are growing up, they will soon be young adults, and if they don’t learn it from you first off, they will learn it from the many hundreds of other sources that are only to eager to offer the new generation ‘their’ views on sex, love, and reproduction.
There have been several mags that have come out over the past few years that I would advise you to take advantage of. They offer advise, give counsel, and of wealth of material, along with games, questions and answers and much more. And if that isn’t enough you could always help out with your extensive research…after all how was your child conceived into the world?
So remember: always start the day as if it were on purpose ok?

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I really look forwards to devotions each and every day. I really drink it in along with my cup of coffee. There is just one problem, and that with out fail after around a half-hour a loud snorting sound emits from one of the corners of the room. At first we (us adults) we quite stumped as to where the snoring was coming from, but after further investigation we discovered that it came from several of the young people who had fallen asleep at devotions. I felt sorry for them so I tried to read louder with a megaphone but that only made the snoring unbearable. We then called the paramedics and after intense electric shock we managed to revive them. On further questioning we asked why they were falling into such a deep sleep during devotions. They replied that it was really slow moving and sounded just like Alexander Scorby that it really this automatically put them to sleep and they commended us for doing such a good job. What can I do? I know that they need their daily word time, but how can I keep them awake long enough for them to really partake of the word?

Aunty Amelia of Ahab from Argentina

I know exactly how you feel. A little while back we had the same problem in our home. For around an hour each and every morning it sounded like early morning traffic was going right through our living room. We tried to get mufflers, but they seemed rather expensive and also rather distracting. Can you imagine four or five young people sitting at devotions with mufflers on their head? Yeah…pretty corny right? Well it got to a point that we were desperate for a change. Little did we know that the answer was in our hands all along. We discovered a wealth of material right in front of our very eyes, it just took a little time to discover it, but once we did…. boy did it sure make a difference. No longer were the JT/TNs sleeping through devotions, they were jumping out of bed and rushing to the living room long before I even grabbed my cup of coffee. Sure it takes a bit of work and of bit of heavenly thought power but the results are well worth it. Try it some time, put a bit of effort into your devotions and see what difference it makes. I tried it and I’m glad I did, it made a world of change. If you are really not sure what to do, or if your doing it right, well just for your benefit I took the liberty to add one of my very own devotional charts, which I personally did. Try it and you tell me if doesn’t change your morning devotions. After a while try to make your own action-packed devotions, and if they are a hit send them in and I’ll be sure to pass them to all of my friends. I hope this will help you and make your devotions feeding and inspiring for all.

Remember; always start the day as if it were on purpose.

An Ode....To Love...????

I look up from my work to see a beautiful lass,

Her eyes were blue and calm as glass,

She stops to stare,

Her hand gently playing with her hair,

She had a look in her eye,

One that cannot be passed by,

I put down my work,

And over her charming body I did look.

She walked up gracefully,

And pressed her body tight against me,

People call me unobservant,

But even the dumbest of all servants,

Could tell by the look on her face,

That she wanted to speed things up a pace.

Her rich, full lips met mine,

God, they were good, they were fine,

The more we kissed, the more we burned,

Man, was I thankful for all the lessons I learned,

Her lips were red, tasted of honey,

This one could not be bought with money,

And as she backed up to disrobe,

She warmed up the room that was so cold.

She started from the top, down to the bottom,

All my worries were soon forgotten

She was sexy, she was fair,

Standing in her thin white underwear

She turned around and dropped her drawers,

Making them fall down to the floor.

She turned around and faced me bare,

Gently caressing her pubic hair,

She was naked as a jay,

Inviting me to come and play.

As she glanced in my direction,

She must have seen my big erection.

Sticking from out under my sweats,

And giggled, cause she hadn’t touched me yet.

Boy, did I want her bad,

The sexist girl I ever had.

Her breasts heaved and shook with pleasure,

As she toyed with her tender treasure

I thought that my eyes could never get enough

When she played with her golden tuft,

She danced and swayed her hips,

And let a moan escape her lips,

As she exposed her tender thighs,

I let out an excited sigh,

For with two fingers she spread it wide,

And slipped a third one deep inside.

Her luscious breasts and hardened tits,

Shook and trembled as she played with her clit.

Her voice rang with pleasure terrible,

But for me it was getting unbearable.

As I longed with all my might

To love her long, hold her tight.

She then abated from her playing,

Saw me standing, saw me waiting,

Then I saw an impish grin,

Erupt from just above her chin,

She quickly went and locked the door,

Then crawled towards me on all fours,

She saw my burning, raging fire

As my manhood rose ever higher,

Before I knew it she stripped me nude

Made it clear that she was no prude,

Her hands encircled round my penis,

If felt so good, you should have seen it.

She wet her lips around my pole,

Took me down, took me whole.

As her head bobbed up and down,

I could scarcely breathe a sound

It felt so good, it felt divine,

I was hers and she was mine.

She continued to work her magic

And said she absolutely adored my gadget.

As her hands groped around my balls,

I let her have it, have it all.

She swallowed much, but I had more,

And some dripped on the wooden floor

She pulled me out while I was spraying,

All the while masturbating,

She got some on her tits and on her face,

Yes, I came all over the place.

Nothing like this I have ever felt,

And in her mouth I did melt.

Now it was her turn to feel good,

I need to please her as well as I could

I took her hand and her I led,

I laid her down on my large bed,

Her skin was smooth, her skin was white,

God, her butt checks were so tight.

To show her thanks for giving me head,

Her slender legs I did spread

I tasted of her natural juice,

Cause with my tongue, did her I goosed.

She was warm, so very juicy,

How I loved to eat that pussy.

She climaxed once, then had another

Her loud voice she tried to smother,

But the pleasure was too much,

When her clit I did touch.

Her passion did not pacify,

It grew and grew and intensified,

She longed for me to penetrate,

And at this request I didn’t hastate,

She bent over and to me she cried,

“Place it here between my thighs,”

Like a man obsessed with a hunt,

I penetrated her wet cunt.

We rose and fell, like animals wild

I was going to explode just like the Nile

She was coming and I was too,

I’m not lying what I say to you

When I reached and grabbed her tits.

She screamed and screamed in orgasmic bliss,

My juices exploded like a raging stream,

Only to discover that it was a wet dream.

First time Interview

Interviewer: Well, firstly I would like to thank you for allowing me this time to talk to you. I guess we could start with the simple questions and then work on to more complex. How does that sound? Great…Fire away

.

NAME: Well…if you must know….oh all right fine….Shawn

AGE: Again…it depends on who’s asking……you???? 25…..oh the kids….right, 20 then

COUNTRIES: Hmmm, I was born in Bombay, India and spent four wonderful years of my life in that country. I learned so much there, for example, I learned how to read, and talk, and stand and crawl. Those first four years of my life were truly one of a kind. Just think from the time I was born to my first birthday….I doubled my age in just one year! Then after I had gleaned all I could from that exotic field, my family and I moved to Pakistan. My memory of Pakistan includes lots of friends that were in my group, swimming a lot, and doing one of my favorite pastime activites……Eating cold Mangos!

Spent six more years of my life there, before leaving to the exciting land of Turkey where I have been 10years, 11 months, 12 days, 5 hours, 51 minutes and 19 seconds…wait…make that twenty seconds….wait make that 21 seconds….wait…make that…..ha, ha thought I would go on and on did you? And you’re absolutely right……25 seconds….26 seconds…..

ANY OTHER PLEASANTRIES:

I just wanted to take the time to say hi to all my friends and family…..mom dad, it’s me thanks for reading….Bob, Ike, and Ali…..you guys are great thanks for your support….Jane, Sally and Mary…I love you all…..you guys are so wonderful…..I would like to thank my grandparents for having children that grew up, found each other and got married…..yes they were my parents….and I want to thank them for having me…..I also want to thank Salt of Earth who’s lovely music I am listening to right now…..so for that matter I also want to thank their spirit helpers who give them such good music…… Also I would like to thank Kim in the Kitchen who prepared for me these lovely peanut butter cookies, which is made with really healthy brown sugar…..along with a cold glass of fresh milk that the provisioning team provisioned from the sweet milk man.

Do you have any HOBBIES: Hummm, well they very in what mood I’m in. let’s say I’m in an intellectual mood….I enjoy a good scrabble game….along with a healthy snack made with honey. That can be very enjoyable. I also like to blast music loud and play on my drum set. This list might be quite long so bare with me…for I enjoy a variety of many things. I like writing and receiving spirit stories, playing guitar, eating a good meal, reading a good book. I like action games such as grease wrestling, and playing croquet, doing water ballet is also quite relaxing. I like to sleep….in a cold room with the AC on full blast and a nice thick warm blanket! A massive bowl of ice-cream will also be considered a hobby….a challenging hobby at that, for although I would like to eat the whole thing by my self, it challenges me to share with other…..! I enjoy creating music on the computer, and then deleting it afterwards. And a few more activities that I won’t really say a lot about them…but when I participate in them, they are very enjoyable.

WHEN DID YOU START BECOMING INTERESTED IN GIRLS?:

Ok, give me a minute here…..no a bit longer…..I’ll tell you when I’m ready! Ok, as many people in life I too also passed through that stage where girls are the ickiest, yuckiest….most upsetting thing I could think of. I would have much rather stood in the corner all day or suck a boiled egg through a straw then sit next to a species of that…race…ug….I couldn’t stand them! And sad to say I spent a good deal of my younger days trying to avoid them and also spend as much time as I could annoying them and coming up with new ways of trying to put spinach water in the shampoo bottle without them knowing! Luckily for them, my friends and I never managed to succeed. But then when we moved out of the big, massive combos, and we changed fields, I moved out of the kid’s room and began to live with my older brothers. It was then that I began to see and hear that girls weren’t as bad as leftover boiled eggplant, and in fact my contact around them also grew as, number one, there were no girls in my home that were my age, and number two there were a lot more girls that were five to ten years older than me, who became my teachers. So that helped to change my concept of this confusing race of humans. So I was twelve I think when I began to change and take back all my oaths and promises that I gave myself….even though I still thought kissing to be too mushy. But all that changed when one day….I was walking along not looking to the right, nor to the left, when all of a sudden I ran smack into a pretty face! The rest I’ll leave for you to imagine.

HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR FREETIME:

First question….what is free time…??? Ha, ha, ok I’ll answer this one! Well I try to perfect all the things I want to get better at. Whether it be, writing a story, brushing my teeth or practicing drums and guitar. I also wanted to start water ballet, but the small catch is that there is no pool available nearby, and the bathtub is not deep enough. There are many things that I would like to do, so which ever activity is the most available at the moment that is usually what I would do. Because the basement is also the PPC office so that means that I can’t play drums at any time of the day…..so what I do in my free time changes with what is available.

FAVORITE FAMILY MUSIC ALBUM:

This is a difficult one. I really enjoy Salt of Earth’s music! Their music rocks!!!! I don’t think I could get tried of their stuff another favorite album would be….Still Dropped Out, and not Ashamed of It” I also like Mike P’s stuff, I consider him one of the best! I also like a lot of the really old family music, like the old DTD tapes, they’re lots of fun to listen. And I think Singing Sam, Jerry Paladino, Pethuel, Mica Teddy Bear, Brother Son, and Solomon Touchstone were some of the best musicians we had in the family. Of course all of the musicians in the family are really good too. I like anything that has a good beat….If it’s got a smashing rhythm hell, give it to me and turn the sound up…Loud

FAVORITE HL BOOK(S):

I like them all! As I said earlier I am an avid book worm. I have read every single heaven’s library that has come out…all except for one! But I will be reading it soon. My favorites include, The Perfect Ones, The return of the Seven Keys, and the two other books that followed. Armageddon’s Wake, wasn’t Brad just so cool?! , and of course the Adventures of My Pet Skunk.

FAVORITE SPORT:

I like to play Tennis, basketball, ping-pong, but on TV I like to watch, ice volleyball, cross country skiing, the five mile marathon, and the world championships of snail racing!

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Ok you know when your kinda like thinking about something but then you forget what you were thinking of, and then you try to think about what you were thinking, but that just pushes it deeper from you thinking, so the harder you try to think to remember what you were thinking about, you think about different things and then that gets you thinking and you get lost in thought trying to think about what you last thought about, all this is happening right before you fall asleep, then you wake up and remember that you were trying to think of something before you fell asleep, but then you remembered that you forgot what you were thinking abut….sound confusing…….good, perfect!

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE ABOUT THE FAMILY?

I think one of the best things about the Family is that we all live together. I know that I times, you wish that you could just live by yourself, but actually the way we live all together is one of the most exciting, fun, challenging, and just far out way the prophets of the end can live! Oh and one more thing….you get help to do your laundry….do you know how annoying it is to take it to a Chinese laundry-mats????? Well trust me….It is….i prefer to do my laundry at home

SPECIAL COMMENT TO OUR READERS?:

For all of you who are going through trials and are discouraged, and may seem that all you do is school, dishes, school, dishes, and it just doesn’t seem to end. Well believe me….that part of life won’t end, I’m still doing dishes……But in all seriousness, don’t give up, don’t quit. I felt like quitting too, but thought that kept me from going insane with all those dishes, is the fact that we are preparing for the End time. Just think how much fun it will be as we call lightening down from the sky, feed the masses of people who want to know the truth, fight against the AC soldiers with such powerful weapons that it will make light-sabers look like a used baby’s dipper. The Endtime is coming, and it’s going to be awesome, and I want to do all I can now, so that I’ll be prepared when the time comes. As I good friend of mine said, “Your gift of prophecy has to be so strong that you can be like running on the top of a skyscraper, being chased by Anti-Christ soldiers, and the lord may tell you to jump. So when you come to the edge you just jump, and you fly to safety. But what if you don’t ask the lord before you jump, maybe he wants you to chuck them all off the edge, but your connection with the lord isn’t that strong, and you jump off the edge.” Well I hope my connection is as strong as it can be…..because I’m afraid of heights!

ANY CLOSING COMMENTS?:

Well I think I ran way past my page limit, our dear sweet editor will probably hack and cut a bunch out from what I wrote so I’ll end with this comment. YGAAGWNEAEOOY…W?BYDSAGJODHFKPTTTLGYWIBCGDCOMCAIATTKUTGWADFTWBYELYL.

(Translation)

You guys are all great; we need each and every one of you…why? Because you do such a good job on dishes. Have fun, keep practicing the talents the lord gave you, whether it be cooking, guitar, drawing, cleaning, or making cleaning agents inside a test tube. keep up the good work and don’t forget to wash behind your ears. Love you lots,

End of interview

HI

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